Buff

Whew! it has been a while since I posted my last blog. I don't know why? Maybe because there aren't so many interesting topics or happening in my life lately where I can draw the mood to write. Well... in the past few weeks I was able to watch spiderman 2, also, spent time watching DVDs of movies I missed to see and there were a lot of them actually. And I still have a lot more to watch this weekend that is if I'll be doing nothing, as in house hold chores or yet a gimik of some sort. That is because tomorrow (Saturday)  morning I maybe visiting St. Clare Monastery in Katipunan, then in the afternoon my girlfriend and I might watch King Arthur, and in the evening hmmm... after the busy day I might just as well take the night off to sleep. So when do I get to check the DVDs I intend to watch? Sunday? could be or the next weekend, well...those DVDs can wait. But not the Sunday mass in the morning neither the  UAAP games in the afternoon and certainly not the World Pool Championship in the evening featuring "Bata" Reyes. Goodness... I hope he wins it this time.
 

 This could be an undeniable proof that I  am such a TV buff. Also, that I am lazy in helping some household chores? Not really, only this weekend perhaps.

Got Fish!

Since High School I am fond of pet fishes. I remember back then when my classmates and I would spent hours in Cartimar in Pasay City, of course after class, strolling and looking for new fishes to add to our already over populated aquariums. Sometimes, we just go there to buy  fishfoods, but we can’t help to wander around and fascinate the various breed of fishes. The whole circle of friends of mine has their own aquarium to maintain and we kept on trading knowledge and secrets to beautify our aquariums.
 
Everyone must have missed this hobby of ours since we parted ways after High School. I sure do miss the bonding and the company we have hold on for years. Having the same interest and fondness, kept us together then. We do still get in touch to one another but that only happen once in a blue moon. But through Friendster and updates from one or two of our group I still realized the common interest that we have is still there. Or perhaps this is just a craze for many pet fish lovers like us. And that is the Flower Horn Fish. 
 
According to one website the Flower Hhorn Fish is basically from the Cichlid family, which is classified under the genus of Cichlasoma, which is commonly found in South America. This beautiful hybrid is thought to be the end product of cross breeding between the Cichlasoma Trimaculatus, Cichlasoma Festae, Jingang Blood Parrot, and etc. (In English - a lot of Flower Horn has been produced due to the intensified eagerness of breeders to produce the best show quality fish for the market)
 
Oh well, I bought two Flower Horn Fish sometime a month ago. And mix them together with all other pet fishes in my 35 Gal. Aquarium. Guess what? Only one Flower Horn Fish is left now, why? That fish killed the fellow Flower Horn Fish, same thing with all other fishes in my aquarium. Except for the two 10 inches Hammer Head Fish. So now I am left with three fishes in my aquarium that used to be filled with imported different kinds of Gold Fishes.
 
I should have known that the Flower Horn is not a sociable fish, that has a bad temper, a bully, selfish and eats like a pig.
 
The only consolation I get. That fish is a beauty, especially during eating time, the Flower Horn Fish simply show its magnificent full color whenever the fish foods are drop in the aquarium. 
 

Weary

Here I am again staring at the computer for more than half an hour now, and still I don't know what topic to write about. In this cold and quiet office, sitting in my work station the whole morning, beside are my boss' plants and a troll doll left by the staff whose post I fill temporarily. Outside, looking from a huge window glass in my right, I see the rain continue to pour as strong winds gush to the trees.

I may have an idle brain right now, though to hear closely, beneath is uneasiness drifting due to uncertainty of things to come.

Well…what can I say? There are certain points in life where we just have to move on and go with the flow, wander wherever the current take us far beyond the blank space of tomorrow.

In a few weeks from now I'll be leaving a place where I found the joy of learning which in times came smoothly and in times came in a challenging and yet fulfilling manner. A place where I gained good working experience, which is actually what I really sought, and look forward since day one. Though, totally not recommendable money wise, but unparallel in the basis of helping to enhance and sharpen my skills. More to it is the joy of gaining new friends and acquaintances, people who welcomed me as their own, them who help my work become much lighter and of course those who provided occasional comic relief in times of stress. Them, that even in the direst hours in their work continue to carry poise and smiles.

Yikes. I will surely miss all.

Even the bosses, whose physical presence made me wonder, if they are around who runs hell?

Then again I should not waste time and start to look for a new workplace where I can permanently call home. I should not be here blogging. Instead I better surf the web quick and look for the one I have been seeking which I can call the mothership.

"Tatay"

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on…

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day…

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees,
Time can break your heart, have you begging please,
begging please.

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
tears in heaven…

-Eric Clapton


Two years ago I was on a plane coming from a two week stay in Bangkok for an international event I help organized. As the plane touches the airstrip you hear several passengers mostly Filipinos, murmuring (in joy I assume), giving high fives, relieved that they made it home, some perhaps in tears. I can read in their faces the agitation to get off the plane and see their families, whom they may have missed to hug and kissed for so long.

I wasn’t that fully agitated though, but I really wanted to get home then.

Two weeks prior, the day before I left Manila, I went to visit my beloved grandfather whom we all call “Tatay”. I knew his remaining days in this world were narrowing, that it might be the last time we see each other ever again. And to touch his big hands, kiss his cheek and feel his breathe. Even with a heavy heart I have to leave, bound to fulfill a duty to my job. I talked and whispered some few words before I left him in the hospital, I have said that I love him so much and I will be back in Manila very soon to see him again.

Back to the airport, unlike the other people arriving who were somewhat confuse on what chocolate or pasalubong to buy. I just went straight ahead to exit area to get a cab and get home. I just felt that some heavy hearts were waiting for me, than the sweets and goodies I bring.

I remember when Tatay during his hey days. He was like an army sergeant, strong, macho man, has a commanding voice that can be heard many yards away especially when his mad and not to mention his baldhead and brown complexion. The baldhead is like a myth for us grandchildren, was it with the genes? Though sometime ago Tatay told me that he started losing hair when he got malaria during his mining days somewhere in mountainous jungles. He is not the man we know if not for that baldhead…

Before evening, I got home, I was exhausted of the two week rigorous work in Bangkok. I had so much to tell and great stories to share but the minds of the folks at home were a little distress I should say. Must be with the condition of Tatay, he had been battling stroke and all other complications for months already in the hospital. The pain he endured was already insurmountable, but as a strong man that he was he would not just give up.

When I was a kid, he used to carry me in his arms, offer the food he cooked or the meal in his plate whenever I pass by. In the morning I go to their sari-sari store and hand me the newspaper, which had been a routine. I read them first before he does, perhaps because he liked to drink his beer and smoke a cigarette first, which was his hobby. No one would like to take away the few fetishes of an old man.

The next morning I was wake up by my mother, I was told to go to the hospital to see Tatay. So I did, there I said I have returned from a long trip. A relief that I made it home and see him still fighting. Hurtful though, seeing him struggling. That same morning after a few hours I left and went back home. By the time I step foot to our house, the phone rang, it was my father, he just said a dagger, Tatay left to return to his Creator.

Two years have passed and I have yet to thank him for courageously fighting two more weeks from the time I left Manila. Two more weeks of struggle just to see his love ones bonded with each other before his time came.

Since then, many times Tatay re-appeared in my dreams, the last was his birthday last year. I came near to his face the closes, ever, his face became clearer and glimpses a smile.

This has been a long week for me, though the kind of long week I would prefer. First of all, for the whole week my bosses weren’t around to pass on some workloads. The good thing working for an international organization such as where I am at right now, bosses tend to extend their work in several points of the world. Now I am also getting this blog boring by explaining my office. Anyway, when they are on a mission abroad, that means I have nothing much to do in the office, I feel like I am paid to surf the web all day. I do volunteer to do stuff at times so to kill time. But still it wasn’t enough to ease my boredom. Besides when my bosses aren’t around and may I emphasize on “my bosses” aren’t around it means there is nothing much to do for everybody. So it’s like party in our pool without the balloons and the cakes.

While frittering hours on the web I came across several web blogs. I realized that I am interested more on the blogs authored by fellow Filipinos. Perhaps, it’s the connection we have with each other on simple joys, frustrations, just the everyday life that every Filipino may have come across to or thought of or experienced. However, web blogs is still unique from each other depending on how the author reflects his or her true personality on their writings.

Am glad I got acquainted into this world of blog. It’s an outlet.

the ride

Also, this week has a hell of a weather, one morning the sun is up so on my way to office I leave my umbrella at home, then by the time I go home it rained hard. To make the matters worst, I see myself on a tight competition with all other passengers waiting along Edsa Ortigas. It’s like a race on who to get home early, by getting on a bus first on route to southbound. It’s an every man for himself battle. So the sneaky me, outbox all others and in no time got to a bus. I felt so relief, until I started to smell something like a rotten food stock inside the bus for weeks. I would have chose to get out but I fought hard to get in. So I stood by the smell, which I swear almost got me dizzy. Not to mention the drivers’ loud radio with very poor frequency, so I was like almost deaf and about to puke. Still I stayed in, rather than soak myself in the rain. I just simply hold on to my breath so to avoid the smell. At one time the bus was overly staying and waiting for passengers, and at one point it will just zigzag the road and through the stretch of the traffic. For a time I also thought Shumaccer got hold of the drivers seat. Anyway, the bus was beginning to be jam-packed by passengers. With all these I really give no damn to cockroaches anymore, they are on the seats, on the curtains and the window sides, but heck that bus was full of it, didn’t care still. While paranoia got the best of me, can’t help I was a victim of a bus thief, I tend to look around and observe the person sitting beside me. He might just pull out a knife or a gun and declare a robbery. Fortunately, I survived that one, well EDSA isn’t EDSA without the rude buses.

Finally and thank heaven I got myself home safe though wet and sneezing.

All My Weekend

One method I do in invigorating the soul and the mind is through conversing with the Heaven, prayers, in short word and deep contemplation. I spent the weekend trying to reflect on my life and on the surrounding it revolves. I try to do this at least once a month visiting St. Clare of Assisi Monastery in Katipunan, Q.C. That place has a different calm where in few hours I find peace and inner tranquility. Don’t you just love to hear the leaves when the wind gently gust to the trees and the birds chirping, while you are trying to speak with your God. Either fervently hoping for graces, thanking him, or just making an appeal and saying last few words of despair.

Unlike other churches that are so popularly being visited by devotees for novena and special intentions like those in Baclaran and Quiapo, I find the monastery the most uncrowded one. People come and go in groups of two or three and yet never I have seen the whole church being full. The most must be around 40 on one morning I came to pray there. Though regardless of the Church, Saints, Novena or number of prayers you have prayed, it’s the faith and the heart that counts the very most.

So after the only heartfelt act of my life for the Heaven. Which was thought to me by my girlfriend, she accompanied me every single time I seek to go there. I spend the rest of the day with her watching a Filipino movie starred by Aga Muhlach and Kristine Hermosa entitled “All of My Life”. She had this all planned out watching that movie since the day she saw the trailer. Though, I thought there would be last minute change of plans, like for say end up watching Shrek 2, which obviously never happened.

Anyway, the movie has a unique story compared to the usual Filipino film. The story is full of irony, well real life is actually full of it anyway, and that may have made the movies’ twist a little realistic and stirring. It’s the irony when one man, Sam (Played by Aga) accepted his fate that he may not live much longer, not until the time he realized that he found the joy and love he sought in life through a girl, Louie (played by Kristine) he met while on a cruise. Louie felt the same love and joy poured by the man who helped her bring back the pieces of her broken heart. Notwithstanding that one day she again will be brokenhearted when Sam fear of death comes their way. They chose to be together and be happy even at the few remaining breathe of Sam.

In life, sometimes, time can be more preciously weigh and felt when we are run out of it, down to our very desired seconds.

What made the movie more tasteful is the soundtrack interpreted by Gary Valenciano, here is a part of the lyrics entitled “How Did You Know”. To Sheryll this is for you :

INTRO: I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
You had the most beautiful smile
My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine

CHORUS: How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life
I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much I love you

Humbled

They say you fail as much as you succeed
But the more I pray, beg and plead
Happened to find my wheel of life nowhere to lead
So in times, the dreams unattained has to be concede

Perhaps I should have listened to Sheryll, when she said to “Expect not for I seek disappointment, But hope for I’m in for a surprise”.

There are just times in my life that leave me asking why and why not, what and what for, when and how does, where and which one…and hundreds of more yakity yak and dipeedidudey.

Yesterday I was totally upset with the myself, with the heaven and with the world! I would have written it down here but I simply can't, I may not be able to help my self cursing it. Instead I opted to write about TROY, though I have been planning to write about the movie since I saw it on screen. But then again, my heart and mind wasn't yet ready to talk about it coz I was simply upset!!!

So why I was upset? I had this once in a lifetime opportunity that rarely comes my way, an opportunity that could have change my entire life for a better, something that could have made my dreams a little closer to reality, it's the one that could turn things around and let all things get going...but all of it vanished, woosh…whala…gone, washed away, depleted, peeled, kicked, crashed…because that opportunity slips away as quickly as it got in.

It must be a mistake that I put so much expectation to it, I thought I would be able conquer such opportunity and that the stars and the planets were aligned in my favor, it’ll be unforgivable should I let it pass me. But it did, unfortunately. I was stunned to learn of it, speechless, my mind got whack for a sec.

What made it more painful is the time it happened when I need it most. I even literally beg and pleaded in my prayers. But the occurrence bounded to happen unknown to my sub-consciousness, I had second thoughts that I may not succeed. But I also had thoughts that my faith will save me.

Perhaps, not in the time and mercy of my Lord. To YOU remain my love and glory.

Thankfully, I hava good friends around me. Unexpectedly I received a call from my buddy, he may not know about it but the conversation was enough to ease the feeling. Thanks Dominic, I appreciate the call. It may be a short chat but its all worthy. And of course I meet Sheryll yesterday, though we were not supposed to see each other until Friday, but then again, regardless of the wound I carry, it always heal when I’m with you.

TROY

Has anyone in the blog world have not talked about the Brad Pitt movie? Well at least most of the blog sites I visited have mentioned something about Troy. And I don't want to brag anymore this supposed to be epic movie. So I'll make this swift, it's an okay movie; perhaps I may have put so much expectation to it that it failed to reach the classy movie I thought it would be. Though I’ll be gentle with my words here, my girlfriend kindda like the movie, yeah she is a Brad Pitt fan, but who isn't? She is but a woman, we watched it together over the weekend.

Anyway, back to the movie, the battle scenes, which should be a highlight, was a bit boring. It wasn't at the level I've seen in the LOTR trilogy. No way this can be compared to LOTR, even with the presence of Orlando Bloom who played as Paris, guess what? Paris according to the book I've read is supposed to be a great archer. Coincidence? (Paris and Legolas) I guess the makers of the film tried to avoid this scenario that the Paris portrayed came out as a weak and lame prince, he was only seen using an arrow and bow almost at the end of the movie.

On second thought it's an okay movie, especially with the presence of Peter O'toole, one of the legend actors of our time. He played as King Priam of Troy. One emotional scene, which I can say is the most unforgettable, is the time when King Priam kneeled and pleaded for his sons' dead body. He even kissed and praised the hands of Achilles (played by Brad Pitt) who caused the life of his beloved son.

Then again, should you find free time to go the theater and watch Troy, well…do so!

The dilemma I am having right now is the contrasting story told by the story of the movie to the story based on a book as told by my literature teacher in my senior year. What a heck? I’ll not wait for Homer to come from his grave to find out the truth. As long as I am entertained by the story it’s enough for me.

Sometime in a Palace

In a few weeks time my country again will subdue for the next six years under a lady known to have an iron fist, it’s the kind of iron that is as thick as her tongues promises of hope. Not many know that I have met this lady in person on several occasions in my life, the same lady I refer to as the “Witch that lives in a palace”. In the entire young life of mine I have shake the hands and once spoke to 2 former president and the current president of the country. I can say during those rare occasions I felt the electricity much to the excitement of meeting someone with so much great power that can uplift or yet ruin the life of my countrymen. But nothing could be as gratifying as to step in their official home.

During the post-EDSA I revolution, my family and I, together with a cousin and an uncle went to the home of the most powerful man in the land called the “Malacañan Palace”. It was opened to the public like a museum, after the successful revolt against a 20-year rule of dictatorship and oppression. The seemingly endless drama that is engrave in every wall of the palace, tells the rich history of the nation-in full glory and in most dire days. I was a kid then, not knowing what was it like to enter a palace, so just like the hundreds of people lined up towards the gate under the heat of the sun, I patiently waited for hours to get in. All I know then was that we would visit the home of the Marcoses months after they fled for their lives from the angst of thousands of Filipinos who marched towards the Palace. Never in my life I have seen a home as grandeur as the Malacañan; the wooden stairs, carpeted floors, the paintings, the chandleries, a huge aquarium with large fishes, the piano, the room filled with Imelda’s shoes, and so on and on…but what really stuck to my mind until now were the bedrooms with huge beds, especially that of Ferdinand Marcos’ that smells more like a drug store. He was a sick man, my father said, not only he has a sick mind but also he was ailing from an unknown disease. Of course coming from a middle class family what thrilled me more was the fascination of living in such a grandioso lifestyle, first and foremost is the fully air-conditioned home, the nice carpets where I can just roll and play, own the same size aquarium, and many other simple thoughts for a kid like me then who have wish a fabulous life. Though disappointed at some time when I realized I saw no toys in that huge place. Poor life for the kid who would live there.

As we strolled around the gates, I saw many guards carrying huge ammunitions, perhaps at that time everybody may have still feel the tensions around the palace, a hangover from the historical EDSA people power. An event, which many say, put the Philippines into the map of the world. I hear many say back then, that they are proud to be a Filipino.

As for me, by the time we say goodbye to Malacañan Palace that day. I wondered when can I get back and see the splendid place again…Well, certainly not in a few weeks or months…as my father had left abroad to seek and to provide greener pasture for us, my uncle went back to the province and rarely hear something from him, my cousin was already working, and I had gone finished through grade school, high school and college and still I haven’t had the opportunity to get a second visit to the Palace.

Until…sometime a few years ago I worked as an event organizer, this time the event is to be held inside the Malacañan Palace, it’s in the Heroes Hall to be specific. So in no time I see myself on the way to the palace after more than15 years from the first time I got there. On the way, I kind have reminisced of the old days, I felt somewhat uncomfortable for no reason why. By the way, my purpose in the Palace is not to have another sight seeing but a business one, and that is to make an appointment with President Arroyo who will be the guest of honor for the event I was organizing. The Christmas holiday was in the air, the reason by the time we reached the main entrance door, Palace staff were busy decorating, putting green Christmas lights embed with thick plastic green leaves and a huge elegant Christmas tree. A beauty it was. As I waited in the lounge I still feel so uncomfortable, I was perspiring a lot, not sure why, I just look and headed for a men’s room. There I contemplated, and realized I have to…I have to take out stuff from my stomach. And yes!!! After more than15 years of a much long waited second visit in the grandioso Palace I see my self sitting in one of the Palace toilets. If what they say is true, that everything that comes in and out of the Malacañan Palace is already part of its rich history. Then from that day on, I consider Malacanan Palace history was one stuff richer.

Headache

Last night while the moons' light was at its most vivid...in the hour when silence was deafening and while everyone else was in the middle of their sleep...I was awaken of unimaginable pain. The pain that grips my head in full strength, it sore like something was trying take my eyes out of the socket...I can breath but barely can I move myself. An inch of a motion, the pain pound more... I settle and the pain thumps twice. Helpless I was… roll, toss and turn, left and right. Till I gave up, that’s it…the body and spirit may only take a certain stinging.

I woke up my folks, took a pain reliever…as always western medicines’ effect works twice faster in my body. I’ am alright now but still of a distress mode. I’ll be alright till the next migraine attack.

Fun in a City!?!

I had a great weekend, I stayed in a five star hotel for an overnight. The hotel is located in the heart of Manila, facing the very beautiful Manila Bay. I had a great dinner in a Spanish inspired restaurant in Intramuros, Manila. Stuffed myself with all kinds of food, from seafood, to meat, to fruits, to veggies to whatever served n the buffet. I must have gained 10 lbs. in a matter of 59 minutes. Well...this things happen once in a while, besides it's free of charge coz' it's a company outing. I may have chose to get out of the city, but I have enough of the traveling...I just don't get the point of spending more time traveling than having fun, traveling in a bus for hours is not my kind of fun. And well...it's all worthy. In the morning when I woke up I went to the spa, bath in the Jacuzzi, after of which I spent 10 minutes for a steam bath, its my first time and oh golly...it was good. And just to maximize all the amenities of the hotel I swim in their pool, but the Jacuzzi is just more relaxing and enjoyable so I went back there after a few minutes. And of course, I had to eat again for the breakfast buffet...oh it was a feast, again a never-ending pour of food. And just like any other folks, I took home some yogurts, cookies, butter, sugar, coffee, tea, and a whole lot more of souvenirs. All complimentary right?! Well then it’s true enough as the saying goes “some of the best things in life are free”

Passion of the Jews

I know it's too late to say something about the Mel Gibson film that depicts the few remaining hours of life of Jesus. But I just cannot pass on this one, it’s the talk of the town, and for many years to come. In my perspective the actors did a good job portraying their roles, it was pretty much realistic most especially with the use of the Aramaic language. Mel Gibson, took a lot of guts making a film with a non-Hollywood touch, he did it away with the traditional ones. Though, some opinions we heard from the Jews are probably partly true. It is because I don't think there can be a Jesus Christ movie, which can't represent a strong antagonizing Jews, which undeliberately and unfortunately lead to anti-Semitism in part or in a way for the too soft and sensitive audience. Not that it was intended to be anti-Semitic it's just that the life of Jesus revolves around the Jews; the place, the people, the servant, the disciples, the antagonist they are all Jews and they played a vital role in Jesus life. I am not anti-Semitic, I am a Christian and just like what the Pope said "You can neither be a Christian and be an anti-Semitic at the same time" the Jews are our elder brothers and sisters, the discrimination of faith/religion and race has no place in this world.

While for the too conservative Jews that criticize the film, we cannot blame them on how they see the movie as anti-Jewish. Being victims of the worlds darkest past, they instinctively try to correct what many have failed to understand of their religion and race.

Now, I do get their point, crystal clear. And actually I believe many have learned to understand of it, that it is wrong to be anti-Semitic. So how come up to this today Jews live like paranoids in their own land? Perhaps, the children of Zion triumphantly erase in the minds of the world that they are not to blame to the death of Jesus, and all other Prophets that came before the Son of Man, which is entirely correct. Though the children of Zion might have failed miserably, not in making the world live with them harmoniously, but in living and sharing amicably a piece of their land to the deprived Palestinians. The deprivation of right to decent life to the Palestinians is the root cause of many troubles in the world. With this I believe, the Jews should not worry much to what the film put to the minds of the people, the world is wise enough not to bring the horrors of the past. But what the Jews should work on is how they can bring peace in their region and live with the Palestinians like how the God of Abraham thought them to.

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