le moment

It was Wednesday morning, as usual; I got up from bed first. Took some few minutes in the shower. Put on my office clothes which I prepare in the evening before going to bed. Went inside our bedroom and gently woke up my wife to let her know that it’s her turn. We usually do this in a very skillful silence to avoid our 2 yrs old son from waking up. Or else hell will break loose.

On the train while turning my view to the window, the sun touches my face. A beautiful golden morning to welcome the middle day of the week. People squeezed-in every station stop that the train makes. I carry my bag from the front; heavy as it may, bearing my laptop, umbrella, and some office stuff I always bring with me.

Early in the office I immediately use the morning energy to do some urgent matters. It was because I have already planned in mind to attend mass at noon in a nearby chapel. I took early lunch by myself. It was chicken curry, combined with a delightful laing, and a cup of rice. Afterwards, I hurriedly walked to the chapel so not to be late for the 12:15pm scheduled Wednesday mass.
I arrived 20 minutes early, and I just sit there and observed on what is happening. I saw old ladies doing some novena. Some people of my age in their office attire sitting around praying. Few student-looking young ones who seemed to have just come from school.
Then I saw every image inside the chapel with their heads tilt downwards as if watching the people inside. I asked myself why did my feet pulled me to go to that place? Then I answered myself, well, there are things I have been praying to Him and apparently I am not getting the answers I want to get. I am a spoiled brat from my God. That is because God made me one. I was there kneeling, and said to Him do you still have space in your heart for my prayer? (without an 's' meaning it is a very special intention) I am ultimately sure that there is. But it is not the intended plan He has for me, yet?. But I am hard headed. That is because God made me one. In the real world, not all Larry wants, Larry gets. But in my relationship to my God, I have a special lane granted for a measly me. That is because God made me felt one. As arrogant as it sounds, my confidence to Him is built by time and proven by countless personal occurrences.

Not so long ago, a devoted 12 year old me would wake up early in the morning when the sun is still asleep. Braving the dark streets walking to the church, as the cold breeze of the air gel my skin. I never doubted my intention nor turn back from an obligation. I am an altar server. A role I take seriously more than a basic kid’s responsibility which is school. I vividly remember how my mother would scold me relentlessly to be diligent with school work. This is contrary to being an acolyte where commitment is sacred.

Perhaps a mere exaggeration when I pointed out special lane rolled for Acolytos. Indeed, heaven is kind for my measly being.

Now comes a time when I am distressed for a favor to happen. The tides have come and down, and I am still wandering if my whisper concerns heaven for a simple glimpse. Time suddenly did not matter anymore, as I keep my hopes on the edge. I am bothered.

Then I ask myself, where is the moment I needed the most?